The Burnt Poptart Effect
by Likefiftychai
Summary: Jack makes breakfast like any other day but it doesn't go quite as planned.


Jack grumbled, brushing his messy red hair out of his face and yawning. He rolled out of his bed and shuffled to the bathroom, grimacing as he saw his eyeliner smudged all down his cheeks. He wiped some off with his shirt, discarding it to the floor and replacing it with his binder. He took a deep breath and stretched a bit, relaxing as much as he could without completely tumbling over. He washed off his face, hoping it'd wake him up some more.

It didn't.

Yawning again Jack pulled on his robe and started shuffling to the kitchen. His heart set on poptarts, a good sugary breakfast to get him started. That was a smart plan. Gently stumbling into the almost overly clean and stainless steel filled kitchen he made his way to the toaster. Still working only half awake, he clumsily grabbed the poptarts and unceremoniously put them into the toaster, staring intently at them as if to make them cook faster. His foot bounced and he drowned up the surrounding noise, only enough energy to focus on one thing.

"If you lean to close you'll end up burning your nose."

Jack almost jumped out of his skin, wobbling and quickly taking a tight grip onto the counter. His gaze immediately shifted, still tired he squinted at the intruder and glared as hard as he could.

"You really shouldn't sneak up on someone when their face is in a toaster. It's just rude." Jack interlocked his fingers, robe sleeves pouring loosely over his thin wrists and small hands. Jack hunched over, sticking his neck out and clenched his fists to his chest as he sneered at Raimundo.

"Oh well that's just a look for the books isn't it." Raimundo smirked; ignoring the glare and walking right passed Jack to his fridge, rummaging around noisily. "Got anything actually edible in here Jack?" Raimundo stood up straight, holding what he could only guess was once some vegetable, but now dark mush in its bag, at arms length as he grimaced. "It reeks in there- when was the last time you went shopping?"

"Las-"

"That wasn't just for poptarts, pudding, and pork rinds."

Jack shut his mouth with an angry pout,watching Raimundo go through his fridge and make disgusted noises at what he found.

"Then the last time, would be the last time you forced me out to do it." Jack finally answered. Raimundo paused, Face inches about what once may have been turkey bacon and looked at him in shock.

"Dude that was like two months ago- we got you enough for like three weeks until you had to go again." He shut the fridge quickly, tossing the container of mystery sludge into the garbage.

Jack shrugged, leaning on the counter beside the fridge. "I haven't had the time, when I had time I didn't have the energy, when I had energy, didn't have the motivation, and when I had the motivation, well. Even you can figure out that cycle."

"Jack you have to have actual food in here- snacks are great but you need protein. Veggies. Maybe a fruit or two every now and then." Raimundo crossed his arms and leaned against the fridge, turning just in time to see Jack mocking him speaking, stopping as soon as he met Raimundo's unamused gaze.

"We're going shopping."

"I don't want tooooo." Jack groaned, shoulders slumping.

"You have the time right? And energy? Well call me motivation cause I'm here, and going to make sure you don't spend another month surviving on nothing but junk food."

"Why should I do that, I still have poptarts to eat." Jack pointed at him as he walked past. Raimundo raised an eyebrow and looked to the counter.

"Dude, your toasters on fire." Glancing over, Jack screamed as thick, black smoke began pouring from the top of the toaster.

"Crap- Crap Crap Crap!" He stumbled over, unplugging the toaster and fanning the smoke away, covering his mouth and backing up.

One soaked towel over the toaster and two nothing but charcoal poptarts later, Jack grumbled and headed back to his room to put real clothes on. He had no choice this time, his last poptarts ruined and he guessed he could inwardly admit Raimundo might be a little bit right. 

A quick ride to the small store a few minutes away, where Jack insisted he drive- it was his car after all and Raimundo had a tendency to take speed limits as just suggestions.

"Are you gonna pout the whole time?" Rai asked as Jack grabbed a cart.

"Probably, yeah." Jack huffed. "Not like it's been a great morning. Ruined breakfast, toaster fire, and being forced out of the house at some awful hour."

"It's ten in the morning."

"I'm sorry, this coming from the guy who slept until three the last time he stayed over." Jack leaned onto the handles of the cart, heading right for the breakfast aisle. 

"Never said I liked the mornings, just saying it's not like it's six or something." Raimundo sped up to keep up with him. Jack looked scoured the toaster pastries, tossing a couple boxes of Wildberry into the cart. Might as well stock up a little bit.

"So, what do I actually have to get to meet your approval of my dietary needs?" Jack cupped his chin in one hand and smiled at Raimundo with an obvious tone of sarcasm and snark behind it all.

"Eggs, some sort of fruits and vegetables, protein that isn't two month old turkey bacon."

"Can it be new Turkey bacon."

"Whatever turns your gears Jack." Raimundo shrugged walking ahead. "Maybe check those like minute meal things. Nothings wrong with junk food or fast stuff but you need a balance. Plus, more warm meals than just poptarts sometimes."

"Hey poptarts are a perfectly good meal."

"Better than nothing doesn't make it good." Raimundo grabbed a box of oatmeal, waving it slightly in Jack's direction. "Oatmeal. Easy to make, and if you make enough you can just heat it up again later." He dropped the box in the cart and kept walking.

Jack grumbled, following close behind Raimundo as he lead him around the store and filled the cart with things Jack needed, and Jack filled it with stuff he wanted.  
On their way out of one aisle, as Raimundo took a sharp turn and Jack assumed the coast was clear, a loud clank echoed off the cart as another collided into it.  
Raimundo turned on his heel, and Jack's gaze snapped to his right as he began to give a basic apology before his eyes bugged from his head.  
Wuya had her hand to her chin, one finger resting on her lips as she smiled, in that way to told you fate had completely decided to mess her over that day. Chase just stared at Jack before glancing at Raimundo with a bored expression. No one said a word as he backed the cart away and headed off in another direction. Wuya looked at the boys again before following him.  
Raimundo waited until they'd turned down another aisle and he'd stepped closer to Jack before saying anything.

"That was so _weird_." He whispered, not trusting the small distance to be enough over their super powered hearing.

"They were in normal clothes. I'm never gonna be able to unsee this." Jack rubbed his eyes and slide his hands down his face.

"Why were they even here- he's rich they can go anywhere! I'm sure there are teleportation spells or something too!" Raimundo said, his shoulders raising in mild distress.

"I mean, it has a lot of cool local stuff. I guess when you can go anywhere you go where the best is…. Ya know I bet the owners would be incredibly flattered."

"Ah yes. Let's go run and tell them 'hey two of the evilest people in the world like your fresh baked banana muffins.'" Raimundo snorted, turning back to move along their shopping trip.

"I'd be flattered." Plus, no offense to this place but Jack doubted it was those. They're banana muffins kinda, sucked.

"Yeah of course you would be, because you still admire them, "Raimundo gave him a side look, emphasising you. "Or Chase, at least."

"He's cool. And now I know he does look as cool in a leather jacket as imagined." Raimuned snorted again in response.

"Just like in your fanfiction. An- Yeah okay but why is he wearing a leather jacket when it's like ninety degrees outside."

"Why does he do anything, Raimundo. Aesthetic."

"Wow. If he knows you just dissed him like that he might kill you."

"Honestly, worth it. If I go out let it be because I said something snarky about or to someone who could murder me with a look." Jack grinned, pushing the cart ahead of Raimundo and heading for the frozens.

"I'm sorry, if?" Raimundo raised an eyebrow, keeping his pace beside him.

"Ya know lunchables are an underrated item. They're cheap and small but still give a decent sized meal that's pretty good all considering, low amount of work too." Jack tossed a few of different kinds into the cart, his currently empty fridge might as well be filled completely. "Plus they last a while."

Raimundo checked out the cart, nodding and mentally checking off the items. "Looks like you have just about everything you'd need. How about something for me to make you for lunch? I'm quite the cook." Raimundo said confidently, smirking at Jack.

"So I should toss some more lunchables in here?"

"Ah, yes, you're jackass levels are up to maximum so I guess you're fully awake now."

"Oh, Rai, I don't need to be awake to be my wonderful, witty self." 

"Right, okay, toaster fire." 

"Hey, that was not my fault. Probably. You convert a toaster into a robot and back into a toaster- things can end up a bit miswired." Jack shrugged and leaned onto the handle of the cart. "So whatcha gonna cook for me?" He grinned and raised his eyebrows. 

"I don't know. I know how to make a lot of things. Tacos. Burgers. Bouef Bourguignon. A lot of stuff, depends how fast you want it down." 

"Well my breakfast exploded so I'm just a little peckish."

"I make a killer omelet. All the good stuff. Chives, cheese, bacon. Or ham. Or ya know, whatever you're feeling." Raimundo shrugged, shoving his hands in his pockets. 

Jack snorted, cupping his face with his hand and giving Raimundo an overly enthused smile.  
"I love a man who can cook." He fluttered his eyelashes and laughed again as Raimundo pushed his face gently away. 

"Yeah and I love a man who's a total dork. What's your point?" Jack just grinned at him as Rai retracted his hand. "What?" 

"You said you love me." He replied, the same annoying sing song voice he did every time. 

"I say it like, every day dude. We've been dating for three years." Of course Raimundo was glad Jack always enjoyed hearing it, but the way he voiced his pleasure was. Well, very Jack-like. 

"Raimundo loooooves me." Jack droned on, pushing the cart pass him and fluttering his eyelashes at Rai in the most dramatic way possible. "He thinks I'm cuuuuute." 

"Woah, hey now. I never said that part." 

"Yeah but you're shallow. I have to be cute." Jack pointed out. Rai rolled his eyes and huffed. 

"I am not that shallow- and you're one to talk there." 

"Hey, you're cute too, I never said otherwise. Some of us don't hide our feelings." Jack boasted, hand to his chest and chin in the air with only one eye open, peering at his exasperated boyfriend.

"Yeah yeah, you're a dork, let's just get some green onions an go."

After finally settling on the proper ingredients for an omelet, many of the rejected ideas being Jack's, the two headed back to his place. Raimundo bee lined for the kitchen, already pulling out pans by the time Jack walked in. Jack put the groceries away quickly, taking a seat at the small table in his kitchen while Rai got to work.  
It was quiet for a few minutes, aside from the sound of omelet and Raimundo humming. The delicious aroma quickly filled the kitchen, Jack leaned over the table, chin in his hands as he watched.

"Well I guess I'm glad the toaster decided to explode. I much prefer your cooking to a poptart." Jack emphasized, taking a long and overdramatic sniff of the air. Raimundo snorted and glanced over his shoulder at him. 

"Aw, don't flatter me too much." He smiled cheerily, the factious look of being utterly charmed before he turned his head back to the pan. "Though I have to agree, bad your toaster blew up, but good that you're going to get some actual health benefits for once." While something was better than nothing, it still didn't make it the best. 

"Hey, the poptarts are fruit flavored, it totally counts as healthy." 

"We all wish that was true." Raimundo couldn't pretend he really had any sort of diet superiority, he ate as much junkfood as the next guy, and the main reason he got moderately balanced meals was because he wasn't the only one who'd make them, or at least not alone. One perk of having so many roommates.

After the omelets were served and quickly devoured, Raimundo and Jack retired to the couch. Jack sat with his knees in front of him, a sketchbook in his lap as he made rough schematics for his new and improved toaster.

"You're adding a poptart time setting?" Raimundo asked, squinting at the plans from his place on the other side of the couch.

"I'm adding separate settings for all of my favorite flavors, so they can truly reach their peak deliciousness. There's a science to it Rai." Jack answered, not even glancing at him as he jotted notes down. Of course none of this was final, that'd all be up to what parts he could get and what would actually work, but nonetheless he went for what he hoped would be the best toaster possible.

"Oh I have no doubt about that." Rai leaned back against the arm of the couch, grabbing the remote and switching the TV on. He flipped through channels, looking for something good enough to watch or bad enough to rip on.

Eventually the screen landed on an old classic, Raimundo put the remote down and and settled in again. It had just started, perfect.

"A Goofy Movie? Really?" Jack peered at the screen, an eyebrow raised. 

"It's a good movie." Rai shrugged, propping his head up with his arms. "Though I gotta say something about Max's voice is. Weird."

Jack snorted, putting his sketchbook aside and leaning back into the corner of the couch, eyes locked on the screen as he stretched his legs and subsequently shoved them into Raimundo's lap or jabbing his side, before relaxing and leaving them there. "Yeah I know what you mean. It's kinda weird. Can't put my finger on it though."

The movie played, they talked throughout it, arguing over plot points and stretching, which in reality were just excuses to kick the other gently for emphasis.


End file.
